Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
4 words: hood of his car
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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