We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize