Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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