well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
