Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
