you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
