I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
