you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
