based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
