I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
