I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
