This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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