I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
