I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
