My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
