I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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