my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
