I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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