Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
