the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
