Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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