jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
