Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
