Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
