I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
True college students do jello shots in the library
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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