They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
