I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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