i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
