you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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