I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
