I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with two different species that night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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