Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
