Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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