Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
