Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
