After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
