God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
