I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
