Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
