I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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