i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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