if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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