Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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