Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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