Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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