i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
