Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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