Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
