if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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