i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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