I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
