wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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