I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
