wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
