the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
