happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
