So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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