my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
