i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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