I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
