who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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