brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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