is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
