You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
