u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
