Me. At least after what I've been through.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
