either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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