Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize