you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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